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Bible Study Broken

I am Broken: Waiting on God(infertility and loss)

Looking at woman of the Bible and waiting, I often think of Sarah and Hannah. Sarah and Hannah both waited on God for children. It is hard for women to deal with issues of having children be it infertility or miscarriages because it is so painful, emotionally draining, and all consuming. Many have been waiting all their life to finally have children, only to be met with the a bitter disappointment.

There are a number of women in the Bible who experienced infertility: Rachael (Gen. 30),  Manoah’s wife (Judges 13), Hannah (1 Sam. 1), Michel (2 Sam. 6), and Sarah.

Sarah had gone 90 years without having any children. That was a lot of waiting. I imagine there were tears and heartache. We know there was a lack of trust in God’s faithfulness and goodness as she gave her maidservant to her husband in order to obtain a child. Perhaps by the time she was 90 she had resigned herself to the fact that she was never going to be a mother. We know she was wrong.

In this study we chose to focus on Sarah because in the midst of her infertility story we read a very important truth…

“Is anything too hard for the Lord?”

The answer is, “Of course not!” The Lord can do anything according to his will.

He can heal bodies in ways that baffle doctors. He can give children to couples who never thought it was possible.

But there is something else that the Lord can do. Something, perhaps, even more miraculous. He can give real joy and contentment in the midst of pain.

Expecting the Impossible

Contentment and joy in the midst of difficulty and suffering – something as unlikely as the barren womb conceiving a baby – can seem like an impossibility. But remember that with God nothing is impossible.

His power is stronger than any suffering. He can heal the sick, raise the dead, and change the heart of a sinner. He is able to give contentment and joy to the brokenhearted because He can create something out of nothing.

We must draw close to Him in order to lay our hands on it. We must trust the promises He gives in his Word. We must come to Him with our hurts in prayer, and we must praise Him in the midst of tears because He is worthy.

Then, when we are near, we can wait – expecting what we may have thought was impossible. In your affliction I want to encourage you to wait confidently for God to work in your life. I pray that He brings to you a joy that sits deep in your heart and a contentment that rests on the truth that God is good all the time.

A while back, my father gave me some advice that I have often returned to. He said, “If God has laid a calling on your heart, He will find a way to make it happen.” You do not have to worry that the calling will expire or disappear. It may not be according to the timeline you imagined or look the way you envisioned, but the seeds God plants in your heart will grow into what He intends if you can remain faithful and patient.

We all have stories of brokenness and hopefully redemption of loss coupled with learning to trust God’s goodness.

I married an amazing man who seemed to be made to be an awesome dad. He is cheerful, loving and has a child like spirit. He loves kids and uncle Dan is every kids favorite person to play with. When we married I had a 8 year old who loves Daniel and to Jack Daniel is his dad. But he had never had one of his own. after we where married. I got pregnant and Daniel was ecstatic. then we found out it was twins and it was even more excitement. Then came the news that they had no heartbeat. The dark emptiness of this loss set in.

Everything felt so hopeless.

So broken.

So impossibly sad.

The doctors appointments, the tests, the waiting, it was all we ever thought about. I knew God had called Daniel to be a dad. Why wasn’t it working? The I realized he already was.

Infertility and loss are socially taboo – they aren’t topics that most people are comfortable discussing in casual conversation. At some point, I realized if I didn’t step out I would have become isolated, not just socially, but I would also pulled away from God. Anger and hurt had sprung from situation. The emotions that accompanied the loss — grief, anger, doubt, jealousy, depression, and isolation. My sweet husband and family did their best to support me and pushed me to trust God’s plan.

The time that followed my miscarriage turned out to be one of the richest spiritual times in my life. I learned to lean in deeply to God and to trust Him to care for me. I began to pour my energy into focusing on my relationship with Him and my family. My faith grew. My marriage strengthened. My depression faded. I began to see His goodness all around me. It’s so ironic: my loss led to such a fertile spiritual time. While the personal and spiritual redemption I experienced was incredible on its own. I was given a passion for vacation Bible school. To write, direct and be a part of teaching all children of God and His love.

God had taken my brokenness and redeemed it. And it was perfect.

“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” – Psalm 73:26

My hands were surrendered, and my heart was open.

It’s been 9 years since We had a miscarriage and God allowed me to trust in His way in my life. I’ve learned that God writes the best stories, but first we must hand Him the pen.

In 2 Corinthians 4, Paul is sharing his story with us in hopes of encouraging the weary hearted. He knows in this fallen world that we will experience:

  • External Chaos: We are afflicted in every way. The pressures of life are overwhelming.
  • Internal Confusion: We are perplexed. Sometimes circumstances just do not seem to make sense.
  • Undeserved Criticism: We are persecuted. We often face rejection, misunderstanding, and abuse.
  • Unexpected Catastrophe: We are struck down. This wicked world wounds us, and it’s hard to keep walking.

Paul wants us to know that brokenness is not the end of our story. My sister, God is not through with you yet. If you invite Him into your pain, He will step in and give you:

  • Help: Your Protector will never allow this world to crush you.
  • Hope: He will give you peace that surpasses understanding.
  • Healing: He will never leave you nor forsake you. He will restore you.
  • Heaven: This fallen world is just a temporary camp. He is preparing a permanent home for you with no more pain or sorrow.

God wants to strengthen you, shine His glory through you, and transform your mess into a ministry of encouragement to others.

With hands extended and hearts full, we will brightly display God’s redemption to the watching world.

Categories
Bible Study Broken

I am Broken: Entrapped by Despair

I am not a stranger to loss. my biological father died when I was seven, two of my grandmothers passed away in high school, but probably one of the biggest losses I have had to go through was a miscarriage of a set of twins about 8 years ago. While the dark and oppressive cloud of sadness, fear, and despair of these losses has lifted, this has left scars that, from time to time, have affected my life.

Being a bit strange… ok out right weird and hesitant to open up to people, I often had many periods of loneliness. As an introvert, making friends was and is hard, yet we all crave to be with people. We have a God-given desire to be known and loved, to feel valued, appreciated, and included.

Loneliness and loss can make you feel so broken and unworthy. The Bible is full of people who experiences loneliness and loss and poured out their hearts to God out of loneliness, fear, confusion and doubt. 

Psalms 42

As the deer pants for streams of water,
    so my soul pants for you, my God.
My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
    When can I go and meet with God?
My tears have been my food
    day and night,
while people say to me all day long,
    “Where is your God?”
These things I remember
    as I pour out my soul:
how I used to go to the house of God
    under the protection of the Mighty One
with shouts of joy and praise
    among the festive throng.

Why, my soul, are you downcast?
    Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
    for I will yet praise him,
    my Savior and my God.

My soul is downcast within me;
    therefore I will remember you
from the land of the Jordan,
    the heights of Hermon—from Mount Mizar.
Deep calls to deep
    in the roar of your waterfalls;
all your waves and breakers
    have swept over me.

By day the Lord directs his love,
    at night his song is with me—
    a prayer to the God of my life.

I say to God my Rock,
    “Why have you forgotten me?
Why must I go about mourning,
    oppressed by the enemy?”
10 My bones suffer mortal agony
    as my foes taunt me,
saying to me all day long,
    “Where is your God?”

11 Why, my soul, are you downcast?
    Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
    for I will yet praise him,
    my Savior and my God

Psalm 43

Vindicate me, my God,
    and plead my cause
    against an unfaithful nation.
Rescue me from those who are
    deceitful and wicked.
You are God my stronghold.
    Why have you rejected me?
Why must I go about mourning,
    oppressed by the enemy?
Send me your light and your faithful care,
    let them lead me;
let them bring me to your holy mountain,
    to the place where you dwell.
Then I will go to the altar of God,
    to God, my joy and my delight.
I will praise you with the lyre,
    O God, my God.

Why, my soul, are you downcast?
    Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
    for I will yet praise him,
    my Savior and my God.

In these Psalms David admits to deep sorrow to the point where his tears are like his only source of food. These verses even full of such despair offer hope. David says even though I feel all these things I will still praise you. Feelings can lie. The word of God is the truth.

The Entrapment of Despair

From the moment sin entered the world through Adam and Eve, the experiences of despair have been constant parts of the broken human experience. Loss of life, loss of a job or finances, loss of innocence and trust, loss of joy and comfort.

All the the struggles and battles bring with them terrible feelings. They lure us to do things that are not good for us or are not glorifying to God. Many of us may indulge our feelings and we will wallow in sadness and despair, letting them zap us of our energy, self discipline, motivation, and care.

Others will go to great lengths to avoid being lonely or experiencing loss. Maybe it means never being without a boyfriend, or always having to be surrounded by people. Others will lie, or steal, or manipulate in order to have or to be well-liked.

The Freedom Of True Hope

But one of the lessons we learn from David is that he never allows himself to stay trapped by despair. He always came back to the one truth that can set him and us free. Our hope is God! Always God!

Why, my soul, are you downcast?
    Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,

Why? Because while we can lose everything that is earthly, we can’t lose anything that is spiritual. Everything that is eternal is secure. We can’t lose our souls or our salvation because we can’t lose our God! Therefore His love for us and faithfulness towards us is rock solid. Since God is omnipresent, His kindness and His comfort surround us at all times. His compassion never wavers and His strength is there to uphold and carry us.

Working in Tears

Psalm 126:5-6

Those who sow with tears
    will reap with songs of joy.
Those who go out weeping,
    carrying seed to sow,
will return with songs of joy,
    carrying sheaves with them.

When I had my miscarriage, my natural instinct was to close myself off in my despair. But God said oh no you don’t. I had jobs and ministries at the church that needed to get done. People who needed me to help. So I did and it was the best thing for me. A woman at our church had also gone through a miscarriage told me to combat despair pour my life into someone else. This meant to not make it about me. To help others or work. Then I came across the verses in psalm and they rang so true to me. People who choose to serve even when they hurt, the woman or man who chooses to sow the seeds even through the pain will reap songs of joy. I have reaped ok those songs of joy and are still.

The suffering will come to an end.

1 Peter 5:10

10 And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.

My son has Asperger syndrome(a form of autism). All his life we have struggled. He struggles to fit into a world that doesn’t understand and we struggle to teach him to adapt. He is 18 and a brilliant man. He surrendered to the ministry at 15 and loves God. When he would have his breakdowns and just cry or yell, for hours sometimes, my husband and I would try to help and end up just on our knees praying. My son suffers and we suffer, everyone suffers. This verse is our families anchor when we suffer. Because it is only a little while. It will pass and when it does Christ will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. Halelujah!!

Through out the despair and struggles, rest in these verses:

“It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.”
-Deuteronomy 31:8

“I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”
-John 16:33

“Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved.”
-Psalm 55:22

“May your unfailing love be my comfort, according to your promise to your servant.”
-Psalms 119:76

“In the day when I cried out, You answered me, and made me bold with strength in my soul.”
-Psalm 138:3

Brokenness brings loss and loneliness to all humans without exception. But those who call on the name of the Lord will find comfort and wisdom for today, and will find strength for tomorrow. Then we will praise the Lord and experience His divine joy.