I am not a stranger to loss. my biological father died when I was seven, two of my grandmothers passed away in high school, but probably one of the biggest losses I have had to go through was a miscarriage of a set of twins about 8 years ago. While the dark and oppressive cloud of sadness, fear, and despair of these losses has lifted, this has left scars that, from time to time, have affected my life.
Being a bit strange… ok out right weird and hesitant to open up to people, I often had many periods of loneliness. As an introvert, making friends was and is hard, yet we all crave to be with people. We have a God-given desire to be known and loved, to feel valued, appreciated, and included.
Loneliness and loss can make you feel so broken and unworthy. The Bible is full of people who experiences loneliness and loss and poured out their hearts to God out of loneliness, fear, confusion and doubt.
Psalms 42
As the deer pants for streams of water,
so my soul pants for you, my God.
2 My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
When can I go and meet with God?
3 My tears have been my food
day and night,
while people say to me all day long,
“Where is your God?”
4 These things I remember
as I pour out my soul:
how I used to go to the house of God
under the protection of the Mighty One
with shouts of joy and praise
among the festive throng.
5 Why, my soul, are you downcast?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.
6 My soul is downcast within me;
therefore I will remember you
from the land of the Jordan,
the heights of Hermon—from Mount Mizar.
7 Deep calls to deep
in the roar of your waterfalls;
all your waves and breakers
have swept over me.
8 By day the Lord directs his love,
at night his song is with me—
a prayer to the God of my life.
9 I say to God my Rock,
“Why have you forgotten me?
Why must I go about mourning,
oppressed by the enemy?”
10 My bones suffer mortal agony
as my foes taunt me,
saying to me all day long,
“Where is your God?”
11 Why, my soul, are you downcast?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God
Psalm 43
Vindicate me, my God,
and plead my cause
against an unfaithful nation.
Rescue me from those who are
deceitful and wicked.
2 You are God my stronghold.
Why have you rejected me?
Why must I go about mourning,
oppressed by the enemy?
3 Send me your light and your faithful care,
let them lead me;
let them bring me to your holy mountain,
to the place where you dwell.
4 Then I will go to the altar of God,
to God, my joy and my delight.
I will praise you with the lyre,
O God, my God.
5 Why, my soul, are you downcast?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.
In these Psalms David admits to deep sorrow to the point where his tears are like his only source of food. These verses even full of such despair offer hope. David says even though I feel all these things I will still praise you. Feelings can lie. The word of God is the truth.
The Entrapment of Despair
From the moment sin entered the world through Adam and Eve, the experiences of despair have been constant parts of the broken human experience. Loss of life, loss of a job or finances, loss of innocence and trust, loss of joy and comfort.
All the the struggles and battles bring with them terrible feelings. They lure us to do things that are not good for us or are not glorifying to God. Many of us may indulge our feelings and we will wallow in sadness and despair, letting them zap us of our energy, self discipline, motivation, and care.
Others will go to great lengths to avoid being lonely or experiencing loss. Maybe it means never being without a boyfriend, or always having to be surrounded by people. Others will lie, or steal, or manipulate in order to have or to be well-liked.
The Freedom Of True Hope
But one of the lessons we learn from David is that he never allows himself to stay trapped by despair. He always came back to the one truth that can set him and us free. Our hope is God! Always God!
Why, my soul, are you downcast?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
Why? Because while we can lose everything that is earthly, we can’t lose anything that is spiritual. Everything that is eternal is secure. We can’t lose our souls or our salvation because we can’t lose our God! Therefore His love for us and faithfulness towards us is rock solid. Since God is omnipresent, His kindness and His comfort surround us at all times. His compassion never wavers and His strength is there to uphold and carry us.
Working in Tears
Psalm 126:5-6
5 Those who sow with tears
will reap with songs of joy.
6 Those who go out weeping,
carrying seed to sow,
will return with songs of joy,
carrying sheaves with them.
When I had my miscarriage, my natural instinct was to close myself off in my despair. But God said oh no you don’t. I had jobs and ministries at the church that needed to get done. People who needed me to help. So I did and it was the best thing for me. A woman at our church had also gone through a miscarriage told me to combat despair pour my life into someone else. This meant to not make it about me. To help others or work. Then I came across the verses in psalm and they rang so true to me. People who choose to serve even when they hurt, the woman or man who chooses to sow the seeds even through the pain will reap songs of joy. I have reaped ok those songs of joy and are still.
The suffering will come to an end.
1 Peter 5:10
10 And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.
My son has Asperger syndrome(a form of autism). All his life we have struggled. He struggles to fit into a world that doesn’t understand and we struggle to teach him to adapt. He is 18 and a brilliant man. He surrendered to the ministry at 15 and loves God. When he would have his breakdowns and just cry or yell, for hours sometimes, my husband and I would try to help and end up just on our knees praying. My son suffers and we suffer, everyone suffers. This verse is our families anchor when we suffer. Because it is only a little while. It will pass and when it does Christ will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. Halelujah!!
Through out the despair and struggles, rest in these verses:
“It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.”
-Deuteronomy 31:8
“I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”
-John 16:33
“Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved.”
-Psalm 55:22
“May your unfailing love be my comfort, according to your promise to your servant.”
-Psalms 119:76
“In the day when I cried out, You answered me, and made me bold with strength in my soul.”
-Psalm 138:3
Brokenness brings loss and loneliness to all humans without exception. But those who call on the name of the Lord will find comfort and wisdom for today, and will find strength for tomorrow. Then we will praise the Lord and experience His divine joy.